First Meltdown Since DX

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Without going into the gory details an incident occurred today with friends that caused me to leave them, drive off and then sit in my car in a fluctuating state between crying and staring blankly for about an hour and a half. What I find most disturbing I was aware that I was completely over reacting, that I was having a meltdown and yet this awareness gave me no control over my mental state.

This is the first time I have had a meltdown since I learnt what a meltdown is.

Is it common to be in this state and be aware of what is going on and still not be able to control it?

When I had calmed down I went back to my friends. To their absolute credit they were very supportive.

Yeah, when I have meltdowns I always know exactly what's going on and I've never been able to control it. This sounds very similar to my meltdowns, where I have bouts of crying and bouts of staring blankly into space completely comatose.

^ Thanks Sunshower that helps heaps.

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quote="DentArthurDent"]Without going into the gory details an incident occurred today with friends that caused me to leave them, drive off and then sit in my car in a fluctuating state between crying and staring blankly for about an hour and a half. What I find most disturbing I was aware that I was completely over reacting, that I was having a meltdown and yet this awareness gave me no control over my mental state.

This is the first time I have had a meltdown since I learnt what a meltdown is.

Is it common to be in this state and be aware of what is going on and still not be able to control it?

When I had calmed down I went back to my friends. To their absolute credit they were very supportive.

it can be really difficult to control, I've had it happen a few times at work, thankfully they know I'm autistic, and to my supervisors credit they have been able to talk me away from my extreme emotions once in awhile. I think they tolerate it and make an effort to understand it because I am a decent worker. Friends on the other hand are difficult to find, especially ones that tolerate our (my family) extreme emotions and general behaviour, so you are lucky you have understanding friends, thats great

^ ruveyn is right. while they happen, one does not have to be a victim to meltdowns.

so...exercise a few times a week, take care of self, and manage anxiety through deep diaphragmatic breathing. I have learned it recently and it has reduced my anxiety by about 40%, which in turn reduces stimming and reduces outbursts and meltdowns.

I never really had an episode quite like that, but sometimes I get nearly uncontrollable bouts of anger and rage (aspie rage I guess they call it). I don’t know if that is in any way related to these more “traditional” meltdowns most people on this board seem to have. But yeah, afterwards I always calm down and tell myself I horribly overreacted and the amount of anger was not in proportion to the wrong in which I feel happened to me.

Stopping a meltdown while you're in the middle of it is pretty nearly impossible--well, for me, anyway. (YMMV.) I am also usually aware that I'm having a meltdown, that I'm "overreacting", and unable to stop it. However, I nearly always am able to move myself to someplace where the meltdown will not embarrass me or disturb anyone else.

The important thing about meltdowns isn't stopping them, but preventing them. You have to know exactly what bugs you, what relaxes you, and what overload feels like. Then you have to learn ways of easing overload, so you don't go into meltdown, and reducing base stress level, so you aren't as vulnerable to overload.

This takes a while to learn. I haven't learned it completely yet. One of the keys is giving yourself permission to be more "sensitive" than other people without thinking that you're a coward or a wimp.

A trip to the grocery store is always nightmarish for me because of visual hypersensitivity and processing issues. Even if I''m just getting like 10 things I wind up spending an hour in the store finding those 10 things out of the hundreds of thousands of things that are there. And every time I leave I'm in a pre-meltdown state. Which for years I didn't know why - I didn't know my visual processing was any different from anyone else's until I read something of Temple Grandin's a month or so ago.

So anyway, It's been my strategy after coming out of the grocery store to go to my car and re-park it in an empty part of the lot, turn up the stereo palying some lovely repetitive trance, tip my seat back, close my eyes, and enjoy a half-pint of sorbet. That's usually sufficient to bring me back to a state of serenity.

Yesterday, I went to the grocery store. My mouth and throat were exceedingly dry. When I got myself re-parked and opened my sorbet, I found that a third of it was gone, as if someone had already been at it. The prospect of re-entering the store to get a replacement was daunting to say the least. I had another pint, but had forgotten about it. I checked my wallet for the receipt. Not there.
I checked a pocket. Nil.
I checked another pocket. Nil.
I checked all of my pockets (which number 6 with cargo pants) Nil.
I checked my wallet. Nil.
I checked the passenger seat. Nil.
I checked the floor. Nil.
I checked a pocket. Nil.
I checked all my other pockets. Nil.
I checked the bags of groceries. Nil.
I checked the caddy. Nil.
I checked my wallet. Nil.
I checked the passenger seat. Nil.
I checked the floor. Nil.
I checked a pocket. Nil.
I checked all my other pockets. Nil.

I had the blasted thing in my hand when I left the store - where the **** did it go?!

So I couldn't return the defective sorbet. I opened my door and dropped it on the ground. Just as I was going to close the door, a wasp landed on the inside of the door's window. I kicked the door to get it to fly away but it flew right at me. Instinctively I swatted at it with my left hand (I'm a leftie), and simultaneously leaped out of the car.

Unfortunately, I've had a bad case of bicep tendonitis in my left arm for the past month and so my left arm was shot through with the most excruciating pain - I wanted to scream, but instead I chose to go with a steady litany of F***! F***! F***! F***! F***! OW! F***! F***! F*****G OW! F***! F***! F***! For about 3 minutes as I stood there, hunched over, clutching my arm.

I had to get home. No amount of relaxing in the car was going to do much for me at this point. But I couldn't go anywhere with a wasp in the car. Fortunately, I spotted it hanging out near the shoulder belt. So I went around to the other side and poked at it with a walking stick and it flew a short distance...back to the inside of the open driver-side door window. *sigh* So I poked at it again and it FINALLY flew off.

I jumped back into the car and closed up all the windows and remembered the other sorbet and had a few spoonfuls - you'll recall my throat was really dry. Then I drove home like a maniac. I know. Bad bad. If I'd been pulled over at that point I probably would have made the cop really nervous and would have been arrested...or shot. But I made it home safely. Only to have to run a gauntlet of wasps hovering around my front door. Wasps freak me out, in case it wasn't obvious. :p

Then, when I was putting the groceries away (Have to do that before anything else), I was a mess. My coordination had gone all to hell. I'd get something out of the bag and then drop it. Pick it up and put it down on the kitchen counter and then it was like I hadn't put it down in the 'right' place - I didn't put it down where I'd meant to put it down, and so I'd pick it up again and maybe drop it again, or slam it down on the counter as if by sheer force of putting it there it would be in the 'right' place.

And then it seemed stuff was just lurking on counter-tops, ready at any moment to get in my way. My vision had changed to a having a distinct tunnel-like quality, and I decided the groceries could wait - I needed to sit down. I kicked a few things on my way to the recliner. They were in my way. The I sat down and did the catatonic thing for an hour. Then I had a little cry. THen I chatted with a friend online and got pissed off at him. I guess I should have given myself more time to recover before inflicting myself on others. And so I blew off a live music thing I'd been planning to attend and stayed home instead.

Anyway. That was my meltdown of the week. Can't wait for the next one. :/

Thanks for the advice and support everyone.

I am thinking of taking up Tai Chi. Has anyone else tried this?


ZodRau love the shopping and wasp story.

I swallowed a wasp when I was asleep years ago. I took about 3 years to get over it. If a wasp came into an area where I was everything went on hold until I had killed it. I remember once I was watching a movie with a mate and his parents, wasp came into the room I just got up and chased it down for about 10 minutes all over the lounge room until I got it. I then just calmly sat down and continued watching the movie, you should have seen the look on the parents faces