Aspie coworker?

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On one hand, I don't think I'd meet anyone's criteria for an autism diagnosis of any kind. On the other hand, a lot of the experiences people here are associating with Asperger's sound really familiar. I figured out when I was five that I was not like the other kids. 30+ years later, I still feel that way (and still get the strange looks from these earth creatures). Just not sure that Asperger's is the reason for it in my case.

But that's not why I'm here. I'm here because I've been wondering about a coworker. I'm a computer programmer, and I've noticed that one of my fellow programmers has some interesting qualities. Let's call him Scott:

* Scott has an amazing ability to focus. The rest of the group will get into side conversations now and then while we work. It's rare that he'll join us (although he usually cracks us up when he does, he has a wonderful dry wit)
* He's incredibly bright. When Scott was new, he pretty much taught himself from our internal documentation.
* His memory is also incredible.
* He's formal and stiff in his work conversation. When he comes to me with a work question, he sounds a little like he is reading from a script. (Unfortunately, I'm usually of no use to him -- since I wrote the aforementioned documentation, if he didn't find the answer to his question there, then I don't know it!)
* He wears the same outfit every day. He must have a wardrobe full of identical shirts and pants.
* Scott is exceptionally punctual about everything. Arrival time, break time, lunch time, departure time. His deskmate has been known to set his watch by Scott's 11 am break.
* He eats lunch by himself. I've made sure to tell him that he's welcome to join the group at the lunch table anytime, but that we are not offended if he does not. He has politely declined.

All of this is enough to make me wonder.

We're not off at some other lunch table whispering "isn't he so weird?" We're a group of programmers after all, so for the most part we're an odd bunch. So I guess in that way he's got a somewhat supportive environment, because if he's a little awkward or strange, so what, most of us are for various reasons. Our non-programmer coworkers might be whispering about us at some other table, but who cares.

But I want to somehow be an ally to my possibly-Aspie coworker. I wish I could just send him an email and ask "hey, is this what's going on for you?" Because maybe that would somehow make it easier to have someone at work who gets it?

But I don't feel like I know him well enough, nor is there really a route for me to get to know him any better (we've worked together for a couple years now). And who knows if he'd even want to answer that question? Maybe that would just be alarming to have someone else know about that (if I'm right in my guess)? And what if I'm wrong, or what if he's never considered the possibility? Or what if he thinks my intentions are to judge him instead of to connect? So I don't ask.

I've tried to get a certain social coworker of ours to stop the friendly nagging for Scott to join us on our afternoon break time walks. I sat next to him at our last group lunch out at some restaurant, and I wondered how awkward it was for him (I suspect very). I wasn't sure if it would have been better for me to chat with him or not... I wasn't sure if conversation would have made it more of a torment to endure or less.

I'm not in any kind of supervisory role, so I don't have, for example, sway to help Scott get out of our open-plan office environment to maybe something quieter.

So... What would you say to your NT coworkers if you could? What do you wish people around you at work would do differently? I'd like to be a friend, not in some sort of bubbly small-talk-filled kind of way, but in a quieter and more respectful way. Would it help to know that someone else at work "gets it" (as much as someone who isn't going through the same experiences can)?

You should indirectly encourage this guy by saying "Great Job!" "We had good work day. See you tomorrow, we need people like you!" and so on. He needs it.

We love to talk about our own particular specialized interests - individual obsessions may vary - sounds like both of you have one specialized interest in your job. Very likely there'll be at least one or two others, but that alone may be a great starting point.

I used to work in local radio, and there was always a subset in the profession who were so in love with what we did, that even off the clock, we collected and cataloged music, created home studios for freelancing commercials, doing comedy routines and making our obsessive mix tapes (years before the term 'mix tape' even existed).
Some people don't like to talk shop after hours, but boy, those who do...become career professionals.

Point being, small talk doesn't impress us much, but if you share an interest in what we're into - we'll talk your ear off.

Oh, yes - I agree it's entirely possible he may not even know what Asperger Syndrome is, or that he probably has it. I'd get to know him better before mentioning that. If he doesn't know, it might actually fascinate him to hear about it. But glibly assuming something like that early on might be hurtful and/or embarrassing.

I mean, he's found work that he is very successful in, is very polite about finding his own way to get to be alone which is not a BAD thing, manages to socialize when it's necessary. So why point out he has a "problem" if it isn't really a problem?