Finally, a success story

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There's a girl at my school that I met when we were both in a play. We found out we had a lot in common (video games) and started hanging out. We hadn't actually started dating or anything yet, but I think we both knew we liked each other. One day, at lunch, she was trying to get a last-minute interview for her article in the school paper about dating, but she was having trouble finding a subject who had never dated before. "well," I said, "I've never dated before." She was ecstatic that she had finally found a subject. The interview was two questions:

Q. "Why have you never dated before?"
A. "I've just never found the right person for me. I don't want to ask someone out unless I'm sure that there's a good chance that we have a future together."

Q. "Do you feel like you're missing out?"
A. "I'm not sure. Of course, I'd like to have someone to love, but I've heard a lot of bad stories."

To which she responded, "Yeah, I know. I've decided I'm going to stop trying to ask guys out and just wait for them to ask me." After a short beat, I responded: "Do you wanna go out with me this weekend?"


Long story short, she said yes, we went to go see Knowing today, and just got back. After the movie, we played a bit of Smash Bros, and as she left (her grandmother didn't trust me with her after nine o'clock, apparently) I said to her, "wait a minute, I forgot something" she turned to look at me and I kissed her. It didn't last long, and it was kind of awkward for a bit (it was both of our first kiss), but I've never felt happier. I love her, and I'm fairly sure she feels the same way.


Thank you for listening, WP, I just had to share my story.

That's an awesome first step - take it easy, enjoy being together, and be happy. Very cool, and thanks for sharing the good news.


M.

I wish I could be lucky enough to stumble backwards into a relationship like that. The further away I get from high school, the opportunities for dating seem to be drying up faster than a well in Ethiopia. Things never "clicked" for me in high school on the dating front, probably because my social skills were so poor that I could barely function, let alone maintain friendships or dating.

I don't know how to read the "signs" of when a girl wants to let you know she is interested in dating or just being polite. I feel like trying to talk to a girl is like trying to talk to someone in a foreign language of which you only have limited understanding. On top of that, I get really nervous when talking to hot girls even though I know I have nothing to fear but that anxiety gets in the way of my awkward attempts to flirt. I really don't know how to "flirt" at all, because I am just not in tune at all with the current young-adult culture. Flirting is such an important precursor to actually dating but I don't even know where to start. I tried to look up dating advice on the internet, but all they ever have is what to do once you're already in a relationship, but they give you absolutely no help on how to get into one.

The only reason I wish I could still be in high-school is so I could still at least have opportunites(which I probably woudn't take anyway), for dating. Now that I'm 6 years removed from graduating I just have very limited opportunities to even meet women. Even when I have a chance like at a college class or the supermarket I always chicken out and I don't know what to say without coming off like some kind of pervert or sex-fiend. Its like I am missing that intangible quality that lets women know you have something to offer. Women can sense that I have no personality other than a cold inside, just like job interviewers know that there is something wrong with me the minute I step into the room.

The problems are that I have no common interests with girls my age. I have nothing to offer monetarily as far as buying them things. I can not excite them with a bold personality or give off that bad boy/loser/dorky punk vibe that seems to turn girls on. They can sense that I am an inherent outcast. I am pretty much the antithesis of what girls today are seeking for a mate. The only thing I really have going for me is a decent look/physique and financial/personal stability, although these from what I have gathered seem to be very low on girls' list of criteria when choosing a boyfriend.

I noticed alot of hot girls in my old highschool seemed drawn towards the punks/goths/skateborarder type guys, even more so than the jocks. I can't imagine why that type of person could attract a girl, unless she is trying to upset her parents.

Brusilov, I cannot help but notice that you describe all the things you are not... I put this to you, then - who are you? I have you ask since all your comments erode at your sense of self, then can you describe yourself in positive definitions instead of listing all the things you find yourself lacking? As for opportunities... they come in strange places. Being stagnant is your greatest enemy; try something different.


M.

I can not describe myself in positive definitions. My AS has made my physically incapable my entire life of building any sort of self-esteem. I know what you are saying about finding and developing positive character traits but that is something that my parents, teachers, "friends", sergeants, and others have been getting on me about my whole life. You don't know how many times parents and teachers have been on me to "open up", or "share yourself." I have been so traumatized by several negatively profound events in my life that I think I was forever turned on having any sort of positive direction in my life.

The very core of my condition is just the base fact that I have no personality. Being monotonous and gray is just the way I am. I can't add color. I don't know how to have fun, actually, I don't even know what fun is. I have animal-like reactions to all outside stimuli in which I just obligingly accept whatever fate is dealt to me. There is no human being inside me, just a body that fufills its basic life functions and keeps breathing and carrying on. That is my curse. I swear to you on my good name, the Holy Bible, and my life that I have striven as hard as I could to build a fulfilling social, mental, and personal base, but everything has backfired on me and blown up in my face with disastrous results.

I suppose I could put a positive spin on it and use adjectives like I'm steady, dependable, thoughtful, reserved, so on, so on... I play the piano tolerably well and I like to work out. And that is about where I get stuck.

See, the problem was that I was bullied relentlessly during 13 years of public school(not unique), but it was so terrible that I know it just irreversably scarred me for life and destroyed whatever light was inside of me. Then, after High School, I went to the Army and did 2 tours in Iraq, the whole time of which I was the "Gomer Pyle" of my unit and subjected to all forms of merciless humiliation and degredation. I am not making excuses, as now I am gainfully employed, but I am just letting you know where I am coming from. I'm sorry if I came off to you as lifeless earlier but I was just recently DXed and the s**t hit me like a ton of bricks. I always knew I was weird but I just never had a name for it.

Sometimes I feel like things are just too hard on the dating front, so over the last year I just threw my hands in the air and gave up. The social dance of flirting and dating is just so ridiculously complicated that I can't initiate the interaction. Unfortunately, in western society, the onus is 100% on the male to begin to flirt. Still, I keep my eyes out for opportunities, but they just don't seem to come by anymore.

Whether you are open are not is up to you; I respect what you've gone through - I only suggest that there is a need to re-establish the positives, the actual definition of who you are over refining yourself through what you consider yourself not to be. Until then, it is hard for you or anyone else to really know who you are in a relationship. I tend to believe that nothing is destroyed, only converted... and thus can be converted back. The process how, I cannot pretend to know... just a willful hope, I suppose. My apologies if I came off as attacking... and hope to hear more from you.


M.

Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to overtake this happy topic and write a book. Its just that I've had alot on my mind lately. I've had nothing but rejection from women and my whole life they've never even thrown me a bone.

Mabye now that I'm finally DXed I can clear the skeletons from my past and build a new life with a new perspective. Knowing the source of my problems can help me build a new base for future success in life. I could never have any social success if I was unaware of what was causing my problems.

So now I can finally have a foundation to develop a personaltiy and some self-esteem. THnsx for the insight.

Congratulations on your success, but remember you're not the only one on here who is successful.

Plenty of people on here have successful relationships, but can't say it too much because some people see it as encouragement and others consider it rubbing it in that they'll always be alone.

Most of the adult men in WP have relationship experience, but there's a pretty large minority with none that may be a bit larger than in other forums. There are more of these in the Love and Dating forum than the others - it seems like women and men with relationship experience are more inclined to post in the Adult Autism Issues forum instead.

If I ever find myself in a relationship and WP is still here I'm not quite sure how I'd feel, but I'm sure I'd have at least some sympathy for frustrated men with no experience and might try to help them out. I almost feel like doing that already, but with my track record I hardly feel qualified to contribute much even though I don't believe I've learned very much new about dating since I was about eighteen.

You're right and i approve you to help Aspie in relationship problem. Me for exemple i want sometime a relationship with a girl but my problem is because of school i develop a hate,greed and angry sentiment to people and sometime i feel empty. The week was hard to emotional plan because of family comment badly sometime. It's my right to listen christmas music if i want, or love videogame music!!whatever i return to the topic i congratulate you Scorchio17 for your conquest. Hope you will go further with her



Good idea to people in need. Some like me are in no hope because of present situation and i'ts not change for ever, other have a better position and no need to wait 1 year for a fuc**** rendezvous.And yes me too in 5 years i evolve very slowly compared to NT. Those with a opportunity, don't miss then because aspie don't have many. it's important. If the girl have the same obsession or passion then don't why don't talk to her. She will not eat you . And yes me to at Eighteen i have not idea of dating and same today. Don't be pressed to go further with her you have all you're time

Just curious, what made you the Gomer Pyle of the unit? Were you clumsy? Unable to carry out orders? Just not sociable?

You seem very hard on yourself -- are you being treated for clinical depression?

And surely there must be something in live you find fun or enjoyable....