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hermanChess
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11 Apr 2009, 1:16 am

Some days ago, I had an uncomfortable issue with some friend, we has been saying for a long time that we are "best friends", even though I've never said that back, I've even said it makes me uncomforatable, yest he introduces me like that to other people. Well in his birthday, he was very drunk and wanted to talk. Bah I was afraid to commitment and blah blah. So I think in the type of relationship I have with my friends. I'm not looking for them to do something (not much), I generally wait for something to come up during the weekend or something. I never get jeleaous (that doesn't even cross my mind), I'm not too close to them, I mean I know them for a very long time, and we talk about different things, but I notice I don't get as close as they tend to do with other people, that involves touching, doing stupid jokes, staring more in the eyes, talk about feelings-girls-etc. I'm more cold hearted on that, I like to hang up with them but that's it, talk about intersting stuff, have some fun, drink some beers and done. I don't buy into the whole tradition to buy gifts in their birthdays, ask about updates in their life etc. I can go weeks without seeing them and then just shake their hand and say Hey! when i see them, apparently that's not enough.



Shayne
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11 Apr 2009, 4:02 am

I find that I am unwilling to express interest in others to the extent that they would recognize as being appropriate. I am interested though. My therapist would very much like to teach me to do so. However, upon doing so, there would be some sense of self betrayal. With most people, it seems that this is a no win situation. One possibility could be to find friends that can agree with or at least understand my point of view.


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Ichinin
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11 Apr 2009, 6:37 am

My relationships are somewhat like that.

Sometimes we meet 2 times in a week, sometimes it can take months before we see eachother, and that include friends that live 1-2 kilometers away from me.

I can never remember any of my friends birthdays - even if they were tattoed on my body, but i know what month they are. I rather buy stuff for them when they say they want something than on their birthday. Cant understand why "Congratulations, you are now 1 more year closer to death" is a thing to celebrate.

About how friends are doing in their life? I generally dont ask, more than as a curtesy after they have asked me.

My friends have learned to accept me for who i am and i accept them for who they are, simple as that.


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warface
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11 Apr 2009, 8:09 am

hermanChess wrote:
Some days ago, I had an uncomfortable issue with some friend, we has been saying for a long time that we are "best friends", even though I've never said that back, I've even said it makes me uncomforatable, yest he introduces me like that to other people. Well in his birthday, he was very drunk and wanted to talk. Bah I was afraid to commitment and blah blah. So I think in the type of relationship I have with my friends. I'm not looking for them to do something (not much), I generally wait for something to come up during the weekend or something. I never get jeleaous (that doesn't even cross my mind), I'm not too close to them, I mean I know them for a very long time, and we talk about different things, but I notice I don't get as close as they tend to do with other people, that involves touching, doing stupid jokes, staring more in the eyes, talk about feelings-girls-etc. I'm more cold hearted on that, I like to hang up with them but that's it, talk about intersting stuff, have some fun, drink some beers and done. I don't buy into the whole tradition to buy gifts in their birthdays, ask about updates in their life etc. I can go weeks without seeing them and then just shake their hand and say Hey! when i see them, apparently that's not enough.


I think this is just a male thing rather than an AS thing. Your friend may be the effeminate type.


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poopylungstuffing
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11 Apr 2009, 11:46 am

My closest friends are all pretty much non-neurotypical males. We get along pretty well.



MONKEY
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11 Apr 2009, 11:50 am

I generally have good relationships with friends. Especially my closest school friends as most of them are younger than me and/or aspies/ nerdy NTs 8)
My out of school friends, I'm not as close to but I still get on well with them. The good thing aobut my out of school friends is theyre usually more extraverted and I can't get a word in edgeways which gives me enough time to think of replies.


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hermanChess
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11 Apr 2009, 12:46 pm

warface wrote:
hermanChess wrote:
Some days ago, I had an uncomfortable issue with some friend, we has been saying for a long time that we are "best friends", even though I've never said that back, I've even said it makes me uncomforatable, yest he introduces me like that to other people. Well in his birthday, he was very drunk and wanted to talk. Bah I was afraid to commitment and blah blah. So I think in the type of relationship I have with my friends. I'm not looking for them to do something (not much), I generally wait for something to come up during the weekend or something. I never get jeleaous (that doesn't even cross my mind), I'm not too close to them, I mean I know them for a very long time, and we talk about different things, but I notice I don't get as close as they tend to do with other people, that involves touching, doing stupid jokes, staring more in the eyes, talk about feelings-girls-etc. I'm more cold hearted on that, I like to hang up with them but that's it, talk about intersting stuff, have some fun, drink some beers and done. I don't buy into the whole tradition to buy gifts in their birthdays, ask about updates in their life etc. I can go weeks without seeing them and then just shake their hand and say Hey! when i see them, apparently that's not enough.


I think this is just a male thing rather than an AS thing. Your friend may be the effeminate type.


hehe, one of the friends I mention is quite effeminate, and actually he's the worse in that, we and others are convinced he's gay doesn't accept it. But that's another issue. Still "manly guys" still do things around them which I don't, like show legitimate interest in their life, I don't know if I'm simply a jerk, but I simply don't care too much and don't express enthusiasm.



kissmyarrrtichoke
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12 Apr 2009, 6:01 pm

I had a problem with friendships when I was young, I had one 'best' friend who would get tired of me and leave, then come back, leaving me alone alot. I am very shy and quiet initially (usually, sometimes it lasts the whole visit) when meeting new people and/or visiting people.
When I was a toddler I had some close friends but many were the year above at school so we gradually grew apart as we changed schools.
When I was 11 I started a new school and I met someone I love so dearly cos she's amazing, we had 1 fall out in 2003, cos we were on a residential trip and sick of each other and that is it. We are still very close. I now have a small group of really close friends, and tbh I'm usually quite satisfied with that, I don't feel the need for any new friends and haven't for a long time, except on facebook etc. These guys understand me and have stuck by me and don't judge me or laugh when I act differently.
I do have one kinda close friend who always tells me I'm her best friend and it makes me feel awkward. I think she says it to everyone and she has just randomly 'dumped' me and then reconnected with me many times in the past and i found it very upsetting.


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Catster3
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19 Apr 2009, 6:01 am

Unfortunately my AS means I dont have any close friends and not many friends at all.



Tim_Tex
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19 Apr 2009, 3:26 pm

It's very good with the more durable friends.



Amik
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21 Apr 2009, 10:41 am

What friends? I don't really have any friends anymore, except my hubby.



Mienai
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21 Apr 2009, 4:51 pm

I call them distant acquaintances, and that's probably generous.



sevysgrl
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22 Apr 2009, 11:40 am

Amik wrote:
What friends? I don't really have any friends anymore, except my hubby.


Mienai wrote:
I call them distant acquaintances, and that's probably generous.



This is basically how I am with "friends"



HowlingMad1992
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22 Apr 2009, 2:19 pm

It's alright with the ones I've got, which isn't many.