Do you exspect others to be....

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We are very honest and upfront people. I know that NT's can be very cunning and shallow....but even though you know that NT's are not as genuine and honest as ourselves do you still exspect them to be?

I am very upfront and honest and I exspect people to be with me. But people say that is a stupid thing to exspect. WHY? To me if i am totally genuine and honest with someone my expsectations is that they should be the same in return. Why has society exspectations fallen so low? I think its just a matter of respect. Why would you not exspect another person to treat you with the same regard as you treat them?

I get laughed at when i tell others my exspectations, and they tell me the world does not work that way. Is it just me, or is it the world? Why don't people have any respect or exspecations of others anymore? Do people just walk around thinking that everyone is bull sh*****g them?

I don't expect people to always be open with me, but I do expect them to be honest - even if they're not feeling great but don't want me to know, why not just say they don't want to talk about it? That way they can be honest but still not have to tell anything they don't want to. The world would be so much better if people were honest - not necessarily open, but honest would be good!

I expect others to be honest with me and want people to be up front about themselves. Deceitful people aren’t worth wasting your time on. I’ve thrown people out of my life simply for being dishonest and felt much better for it.

When it comes to being up front (and I am assuming by “up front” you mean being open about one’s self,) I need people to be up front with me or there is no chance of any real friendship forming. People who are too secretive and who don’t admit their real motives are a huge turn-off. I don’t see a point in associating with people like that, especially since I have a limited ability to correctly interpret other’s intentions. There is too much chance for error on my part and I don’t feel that spending time figuring out a mysterious person is worth it.

I’ve been told that holding people to overly high standards is a negative thing, but I don’t see it that way. Holding others to your own standards will result in one having fewer friends, but those friends will be more worthy people. Which would you rather have? A large group of acquaintances that aren’t like you, or a smaller group of people who conduct themselves in a manner you can respect?

Friendships are optional. If you don’t like dishonest or closed people, then surround yourself with those who meet your standards. It isn’t asking too much at all.

(That's a spectrum thing, of course, so there is still plenty of room for an AS rat.
(And don't get between an AS rat and it's obsession))

Not quite. This is a little involved.
I don't expect the world to be honest and open but, unless there is definite evidence to settle the question in a particular instance, I lean towards giving the benefit of the doubt.
To continually act with utter caution and supicion, trying for safety and security, carries its own cost and penalty.
Assuming a degree of honesty and openness in others carries a degree of risk too, but is less tiring than the previous option, and less likely to offend others.

This isn't to believe everyone and everything. Individuals trying this will have to find their own balance point of ease/risk.

"Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me."

I give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but i am sensative enough, and gullible looking enough, that most people dont try to hide lies from me and i pick them up easily enough. But if they are good enough of a liar, and their story isn't impossible, i will probably give them the benefit of the doubt.

I try not to expect things, because you'll always be disappointed, as my mother demonstrates. She expects way too much of people.

Our family is very generous, but i've learnt people do not return it.

Until I've reason to wonder, I'm not tipped off to be suspicious. Doesn't mean I'm not doubting-rather, it's WHICH ideas/cues/stimuli/impressions invoke my instinct to say this is not how it seems. When I've been lied to I may not ever find out the truth-hence I'm still unaware of some instances.
Like they say about how you never really know another person. You can believe your own opinion, which is based on AVAILABLE (nothing's ever perfectly comprehensive) facts & perceptions. You don't know what you don't know, if you've been kept ignorant how would you know there's anything missing ?
I'm honest enough to start self-doubting merely for writing this sentence, yet worry that my awkward honesty freaks others out. Veer wildly when guessing the veracity of strangers, can't read them reliably at all. It's not easy to determine when my few close friends are "not being serious" with me, but it's better-I can tell them when I feel my trust is being tweaked.
Can't adopt mentality of instinctive falsity, it's too confusing. Can't help but handle others as if they might level with me, despite intellectual awareness that it's not in their interest to do so. Get more anxious & fearful around authority figures (those I feel have power over something important to me) so I'm even less able to evaluate their statements.
No matter how much I explain, can't capture odd blend of how I'm both full of insight and also totally clueless.

I put all of that in quotes because if anybody ever made a book of operating instructions for aspies, I'd want this subject right up front. I cannot lie. I'm completely incapable of it. Even when to lie would hurt me significantly I still could not do it. And yet, it's taken me years to figure out that I'm the only one doing that! Everybody else is running around hiding things, lying, manipulating, talking behind your back - argh. I trust almost nobody any more, I no longer trust anybody till they've shown themselves to be trustworthy, and there are a million people I choose to have nothing to do with because they're so duplicitous.

Yeah, I'm like that too. I tend to assume that everyone says what they think and that they are being honest until I find out otherwise. Then I get hurt and paranoid and don't trust anyone for a while.

Bingo!

My biggest problem with people I know.

Unquestionably.

I can give insightful, thoughtful advice when asked. I CANNOT apply anything to myself. I not only feel like I live on the wrong planet, I'm a character in a video game with an ADD kid behind the joystick.

Same here.

Yes... I understand and feel for you. (*wonders if it's ok to send virtual hug, then does it anyway). I saw some people over new year's I haven't seen in 10+ years. Unfortunately they talked of old times... and asked questions. A popular one: "what happened to you?" followed by the usual "what are you doing?" What I wanted to say was this "Well, after high school, I went to college, got repeatedly burned by friends, girlfriends, even family. Went from a generous, happy trusting kid to a smoking wreck of a man, unable to interact with the world for it's pain and wrongdoing."

A bit dramatic I know. I do feel this happened though, and I think for me anyway it's due to boundary issues. If I meet someone I click with, it's instant best friend. I assume they are just like me. Wrong! Heck it's like that even with people who are polite to me. I then extend myself to far, even if it's something simple like seeing them again, at all. So I used to trust everyone... but time and time again got the short end of the stick. No wonder I'm a hermit now. I've had some interesting discussions with my therapist over boundaries and trust in AS people. If I can put it together coherently I will (been trying for a few minutes but kept erasing it so far, sorry!)

Anyway, yeah. Trust hard. Trust beaten out of me over time. It's hard to trust myself most of all.

That's me totally. It's been very frustrating. That part about meeting old friends, I know exactly how you feel and have wanted to say just that to people. In fact, I did just email my mother saying pretty much that same thing, hoping she'd get a clue. But to old friends, I can't imagine what I'd say. I look good on paper and in person, so could probably lie and say how well I'm doing, but it's not the truth.

I also have an impossible time setting boundaries. When I meet someone nice, I want to be their best friend. That's always been too much for everybody I've ever met, except for romantically. Internet friends are easier to have clearer boundaries with, though it still can get sticky. And every time I lose a friend, I get that feeling like "I just lost my best friend". Well, maybe for NT's that only happens occasionally, but to me it's happened again and again and again, and I NEVER know why. I've given up hope of ever figuring it out. I do know one problem, and that is that I see people as black or while - friend or foe. And foe means enemy, you've screwed me so as far as I'm concerned I don't ever want to have to talk to you or see you again. Sometimes I think that's why I moved so far away from home - I was constantly scared I'd run into somebody I didn't want to see.

I relate completely to the snippets above.

I think my relationship with my husband is so good because he's an honest NT. I'm sure he lies sometimes and doesn't have difficulty doing it, but he rarely seems to find it necessary. Even in situations with strangers and acquaintances, he will tell people in a friendly way that he thinks they're full of s**t if that's what he thinks. If he doesn't think someone looks good in an outfit, he'll answer honestly if asked his opinion. This is *so* crucial to me; I have to know I can trust someone's answers. Without that we would never have been able to form the relationship we have. I cannot stand lying, even if it's "little white lies", perhaps especially then. I have nothing to count on if someone will lie to make me feel better ("yes, that looks nice on you"); I can't get answers about the world that way.

My husband understands how the world works, far better than I do, but he's a nice person and not trying to make himself look good or "get ahead." He has always instinctively understood that I'm naïve and gullible and he looks out for me that way. He never uses it against me, and doesn't let other people either (if he's around). If someone says something fishy that I take at face value, my husband will insert a comment into the conversation that exposes it, at least to me. I really depend on him a lot.

I am always up front liking everyone know what is to be expected and am disipointed when people try to change in the middle to there advanatage. I give most people the benifit of the dought and been burned many times, but I cant help myself mostly now if I get a bad feeling about someone I avoid them and give them realy high prices on the work to be done and a large down payment its very dissiponting to me the way some people act but cant let spoil my hopes that most people are honest.

Something else I thought of: I guess many people ask "how do I look?" (to keep going with my example) because they secretly want to hear "you look good." But when I ask "how do I look?" I just want to hear the truth. I ask someone whose opinion I trust, so that I know I'm getting a valid answer. I really just want to know if I look normal enough, or am appropriately dressed for the occasion.

If I wanted to hear "you look good," I'd tell the person straight out: "do you think I look good in this? I hope you do" or maybe "I'm feeling insecure and uncomfortable in this outfit, could you reassure me that I look good?" But I don't think that's the way it works in "the real world." That's very frustrating. People are always assuming others want to hear "nice" answers, when all I want is an honest answer. If I can't stand hearing the truth, I just won't ask at that moment.