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Hi,
I am new here and already made my first mistake by posting a "blog" instead of a "thread"...
I apologize for that and if someone could delete this "blog" (I tried) that be great...

I heard of Asperger's about 2 years ago as a teacher of my son let it casually slip to me in a conversation that my son might have Asperger's or Tourettes.
The same teacher we still believe was the main cause of my son's OCD/ Anxiety ( although hormonal changes contributed to it more then likely as well).
He did not get Asperger's diagnosis( fortunately or unfortunately ? I still have not figured out the answer to this question ). His Diagnosis : OCD, query Tourettes ( whatever "query" means)
His OCD is mainly gone, he is still obsessive when it comes to his special interests....no signs of Tourettes....
Now 2 years later, I more then likely could write a book on Asperger's myself and I know the signs were there all along...
this is my blog :

My now almost 14 year old son went for an Asperger's assessment more then one and a half years ago. He did not receive diagnosis( ADI-R scores were given below cut-off required to meet criteria for autism spectrum classification).
He is very bright, mostly straight A student, very much liked by teachers...
Otherwise he is in every way the typical Asperger's child...
I had problems with his tantrums at home and contacted the school councillor, who in turn got us an mediator. He is a really nice man who tries hard for me to push independence for my son, which is really not that easy as he thinks it should be...
today my son wanted a memory card for his camera and I thought "great" that would be a good way to push the "shopping thing" again, which he refuses to do on his own...
as we approached a sales lady I was looking at my son to let her know he was going to do the talking, but he just turned around.
She softly asked him what he wanted (she could tell he was uncomfortable).
I told him gently as well that the lady was addressing him. She tried one more time to ask him...
he then burst out in tears and heavy sobbing , it was really heart breaking....the friendly lady came back with some cleenex...she referred us to a young man who worked in electronics and while he was still serving customers my son had time to calm down...
I then told the man that my son is looking for a memory stick/card? With the question addressing my son to get him to say what he wanted, that did not work either, so the whole transaction went AGAIN through me.....
how can I get my son to be more independent if he fights it so hard and in today's case has obviously real problems with communication?!
Please any suggestions?!

Welcome to WP!

You cannot 'fix' a brain function. Stop pushing. He'll do things when he's ready and feels internally able and confident, which will occur in it's own time - possibly quite unexpectedly.

I have often compared the internal sensation of encountering the Aspergian obstacle in a social context, to the attempt to push repelling 'like' poles of a magnet together (the harder you push, the more resistance you can feel from the magnetic fields).

Pushing harder doesn't make the task easier - it only adds to the anxiety and makes one less comfortable with the idea of facing a similar situation ever again.

Hi Willard,
thank's for replie...I do not want to push him... I always fellt that I have to let him grow up on his terms. Teachers, councilors etc. gave me the impression that I am holding his independence back and I dont want this either...I was reading here on WP how many AS wished their parents would have gave them more independence...
how do u know how far to push without being to pushy and how do u know u restricting independence?
I have also a teenage daughter who goes to University, I never had these probs with her, she always let me know either way...
the mediator even went so far in telling me he has to make his own dinner after school....he can not cook...it is also hard to get him to teach him how to cook a meal, because he is always bussy with something and if u want him to stop what ever he is doing he throws a fit...How can I find balance here in this situation for my son? If I push I am called pushy parent if I don't I take away his independence...I want to be the best I can for him ,but I feel like such a failure most of the time

Welcome aboard the Wrong Planet, Biene.

Welcome!

I do appreciate the welcome, have not got much answers though to my question...

Hi, welcome to WP.

I remember at 13 not being able to buy things myself. I would remember the disapproving faces of my siblings when my mum ordered a meal for me at a restaurant. I could not cook anything.
A few years went by and I started to order and buy things myself. I'm not the best cook but I can at least heat up food.
These things take time. This mediator sounds like my pysch - trying to push me beyond my limits instead of letting me be me. In other words she was trying to turn me NT.

I'm really trying to remember why I changed so I can help you, but right now I've got nothing. I just know that when I was 15 I started to do more things for myself, it was gradual though. I guess my mum worked long hours and my older siblings moved out. When I started to take the train to college I really had to start doing things myself.
If I think of anything better I'll let you know.

Thank you pensieve , I did feel utterly ignored :O)
Do you go to school? Work? Do you live independently?
My daughter is 18 and starts her second year University after summer.
I just can not see my son at the moment doing all the things she does. She is a total workaholic and so far pays almost for all the University costs on her own. She does not care where or what she eats as long as it is vegetarian( we all are). My son says he would never eat at a Canine. He also does not wish to go by bus to school ( to crowded).
I am really worried about his future, if something would ever happen to us (parents) will he fall through the cracks because he did not get his official AS diagnosis? They only diagnosed him OCD, "query" Tourettes .
School councillors on phone actually calls him AS and when I said why do you say "his AS" if he does not have diagnosis, he said: One can have" AS Traits"....