making lovers out of friends

Post Reply New Topic

What is the viability of advancing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex to a romantic relationship, and if it can be done, is there any good way to go about it? I ask this because, as I've incessantly ratted off multiple times before, I am incapable of feeling any attraction to strangers... I need to get to know a woman before I can consider her a candidate for dating, let alone a relationship... Sometimes I feel like making a lover out of a friend is the only way I'm ever going to find love in this life at all...

Best case scenario she becomes your best friend and a lover. That is long term relationship material, right there!

If being lovers doesn't work out rarely is it like Sinefeld and Elaine Bennis. But it could be.


Secret they don't tell you in school is:

Sex changes everthing in a relationship. Sometimes for good, sometimes for not so good.

Once the genie is out of the bottle, it will never go back in.


Merle

The chance is very good. Its a good foundation for a relationship.

i think it is very, very unlikely, based on what ive seen, heard... and tried

once your average chick has you imagined as a friend, your a friend forever.
i had one, such a good friend she invited me to move in w her. i thought that was my cue. boooy, was i wrong :]
boooy, did i find out :]
boooy, did i have to move right out again :]

i didnt DO anything tho, just let her know how i felt. disaster. needless to say, im still itching that little scar, and its made me less-than-super-brave when it comes to letting chicks know how i feel afterwards

most relationships iv seen around me, have started as drunken lust at some party.

Last edited by ZEGH8578 on 18 Apr 2009, 11:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

It does happen - my fiance and I were close friends for eight years before the relationship began to develop into something else. It takes time, patience, willingness to bend, to accept that there may be other relationships before the two of you connect. There is a different mindset that must be developed, in my opinion, as opposed to that which is best suited for the serial dating market.

And Merle, I completely agree. I have had friendships ruined by sex; I have had friendships grow from it. In rare cases, it has deepened it without causing harm... but it always changes things.


M.

I agree with you on this for the most part. Usually, the average woman sizes you up as either a friend, or a potential romantic partner, the first time (or two) she meets you. So, if she thinks of you as "just a friend" now, 95% of the time, you always will be.

That's not to say that she couldn't grow to like you more than a friend, but this usually isn't very likely. I think about the only way to end up in a romantic relationship with a woman that started out as friends, is if she had some sort of romantic interest in you in the first place, but didn't act upon it for whatever reasons.

I would also like to find someone to just be friends with and take it slow at first as well. But, like I said, it's usually all or nothing with the majority of women nowadays.

I wholeheartedly agree with you, ToadOfSteel, you want your romantic partner to be your number one friend. The truth is that friendship/intimacy is the glue that keeps relationships together. It isn't all about passion (although some passion is needed), it is being able to love a person despite their imperfections and trying to be there for them as the person whom they confide everything in. Passion can die overtime, and if you don't have common interests and similar tastes, you're going to find out how incompatible you really are with each other.

If I get married or I start dating, I'd want the girl I'm dating to love and accept me for who I am and try to be there when I need her the most. I would also want a girl I can be totally HONEST with without fear of rejection from her.

While I'm wanting imaginary things, I'll take a nice $500,000 mansion out on the beach, a Lamborghini, a nice pool, and $5,000,000 in assets

No, I do think women want the same things I mentioned above, it is just at our age, a lot of women have their nose stuck up in the air and have a bit of superiority complex romantically. You can be nice, friendly, funny, and clever, but if you're not physically attractive or you're easily manipulated, you're consider weak in the romantic world. What dreadful irony, to have the right qualities for a relationship, but for the opposite sex to ignore them so blatantly

I think the idea is that you're making her think that she's the one finding out that there's an attraction between you, if you just tell her when you're still just friends, you'll most likly ruin it.
Insectsteps.

None of my friends who've become friends with benefits (not talking sex here though or anything, so who knows, that might be different) have turned to relationships/I've wanted to be in a relationship with them and vice versa. We have become closer as friends though.

I have heard that it is a winning combination. The hard part is making your way past the "friendship barrier" and into her life as a lover.

Generally: If you want to be a friend with a girl first, she things "Hey, this guy want to be my friend" - and then she doesnt think any longer than that about your relationship and are totally surprised when you want to move things forward.

I've always felt that the best relationships start out as friends. Besides a physical attraction, there is no way to know if you are compatible with someone when you first meet. The down side to dating a friend is if you break up, it's very hard to maintain the friendship. That is the biggest reason that people don't date friends, they don't want to risk losing them.

As a woman, being a friend first is not a deal breaker. It's a positive thing toward a relationship.

I don't know if you can facilitate the conversion. It does happen, every relationship I have been in started out as friendships. And we stayed friends afterward.

So it can and does happen.

It does happen only if there's an initial physical attraction in the first place, a girl can be friend with those she's not attracted to and with those are attracted to, only the latter are potential bfs.

That's the best way to go.

That's the way I plan on doing it. Much like you, I cannot under any circumstances go out with a girl who is a stranger that I hardly know. Not only am I too shy but I have a very hard time trusting people. I have to know the person very well and like them before I'd even think of trying to get into a relationship with them. Since I have such a hard time trusting people, going for a stranger is not possible. I need to be very sure this girl is right for me and not some mistake. If I know a girl long enough as a friend, I'd know her enough to know if she was suitable for me or not. In the mean time, some girls I have know for a long time either aren't suitable for me or are taken, oh well.

I wouldn't recommend it. You hit that "friendship barrier" and when you come out and tell her she'll just be upset that you were a wuss and didn't tell her before, or uncaring since you obviously didn't tell her beforehand. I agree, going from friendship->romantic partner would be MUCH easier, but I would say it's more trouble than it's worth and has a low success rate in general. For it to work, you basically have to be friends each w/ no intentions, and then you both have to decide "Hey, he/she's actually pretty cute and got an awesome personality". If your like "Hey babe, I've loved you forever" then your screwed