Feeling some guilt about how easily I get off based on...

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...My looks. I would like to hear other aspie women's experiences about this situation. I'm sorry if this musing is a bit sloppy, but I'm not very talented at organizing my thoughts elegantly, so bear with me.
I will be the first to admit that I'm a reasonably attractive female, by mainstream Western Eurocentric beauty standards. I've had many guys pay attention to me because of it, attempt to "flirt" with me, engage me in conversation, or try to get me to go out on a date. I've noticed, after a while of this happening, that men like this tend to brush off my more aspie behavior, such as hand-flapping and not making eye contact readily, as "cute" or "mysterious" when inquired. But I have talked with other females on the spectrum and neurotypical women who report that when they act like themselves, the same men I know who consider my mannerisms charming consider their behavior or little "quirks" to be obnoxious or even disturbing.
Without sounding like I'm bragging about my looks, I worry that part of the men's behavior is influenced by that. Because of that, I feel guilty, knowing that without even trying, I'm upholding an unfair double standard for other women to live up to. Other women on the spectrum and neurotypical women shouldn't have their looks play part in how their behavior is perceived, and I feel like so long as the behavior of people not fitting that narrow mold is seen as more antisocial than that of an "attractive" person, then both aspie women and NTs will suffer for it.
So tell me, fellow aspie women. How is your behavior perceived by the opposite sex (or same, if you fancy women), in a positive or negative light, and how much do you think your external appearance plays a part in how you are treated?

Not female but agree completely with you. It is a genetic thing with men.. the nicer we are the more likely we are to get laid.

Sorry, but obviously you've figured that out. I'll help a whale or a waife if they need it... i'll go the extra mile for the waife though

Well... I'm sure I get approached more often than I would if I wasn't semi-good-looking... but the fact that I'm a complete loner despite my looks and femaleness is seen as really weird and possibly as a sign of severe insanity. Maybe I'm not pretty enough?

[quote="Bluestocking"So tell me, fellow aspie women. How is your behavior perceived by the opposite sex (or same, if you fancy women), in a positive or negative light, and how much do you think your external appearance plays a part in how you are treated?[/quote]

I have been told that I am very attractive. And usually, I will get a lot of unwanted attention from males. But after interacting with me, they are usually put off by my way of expressing myself, (too masculine brained, too blunt and honest.) I guess I can attract them, but can't keep them.

I am not conventionally attractive. I am short and overweight. I guess I lean more towards "cute", and most of my mannerisms seem to tie in with that. I talk funny, dress funny, am shy, i walk on my toes....I, for the life of me, can't tell whether any male finds me attractive, even if they are repeatedly in my face on a regular basis. I really have no way of really telling how my behavior is perceived. I guess it is subjective. I have had my share of male suitors and whatnot...so at least some males have perceived it positively.

I remember somewhere reading that auties can come across as innocent which seem to be a turn on to some men. I'm always having guys tell me that i am a "nice lady" or a "good christian woman" when i don't see myself as either. Christian especially. What ever i put out there seems to give out wholesome vibes which is interesting. Even marilyn Monroe had an innocence about her.

Could this be part of the appeal?

Nora

I sort of feel like being pretty is cheating. I think I've been offered jobs simply based on how I look. I decided that when I was 18 I wanted to be a bartender, even though my social skills and sensory issues would make that job very difficult. However this gave me an opportunity to watch people as they socialized and got drunk...and hey....once they got drunk they wouldn't notice what a total freak of nature I was.....they would just see a pretty blond with big boobs....oh also I would make pretty decent money for a college kid. I got the first bartending job I applied for.

I needed a second job to pay my college tuition. I decided wanted to be an auto mechanic at a repair shop near my school. I actually am very mechanically inclined and I was an engineering major...but I really think I just got hired because of how I looked.

I also think I do reasonably well on job interviews despite my difficulties with eye contact and conversation in general. But I can wear a cute suit, make my hair look nice, and put on makeup, and look very professional.

I do have a pretty high IQ, but I have a very low EQ. My social skills totally suck.....but instead of being a freak, a weirdo, or mentally defective...I'm often viewed as innocent, shy, a bit of a ditz, and mysterious....and yeah I do feel like I've been given an unfair advantage......

I was scooped up by my longtime main partner partially on account of my childlike appeal.
His ex girlfriend called him a pedophile for it even though I was 27 at the time...

I think that with me, it is more about looking younger than I really am. I don't get why people are envious. I feel like I am not being seen for who I really am, most of the time. I have also been told that I am gorgeous, but I never believe people when they say that. What I do know, is that I resent being flirted with all the time, as if I had nothing to offer but sex. Or having women get jealous of me, by my merely entering a room. I have seen women grab their S.O's arm, and give me dirty looks. Sometimes, it makes me laugh. Other times, it makes me cry.

wow.

good looks sure make life and dating much easier.

Yes indeed..

Anyway I don't really consider myself attractive like you ladies but I have had unwanted attention. The kind of attention that comes off a bit agressive.

I think I already have some trust issues with guys when it comes to intimate relationships. The last guy I dated seemed very nice when I first met him, until it got serious he started becoming more controlling and eventually I had to get away from him after I was knocked onto the gravel. Not sure how to deal with this issue.

Then again, I'm not very good at making the first move so I guess it's the type of people I attract including friends. I don't really know how to be assertive without coming off mean and agressive. I'm also confused about boundaries anymore b/c AS can conflict with what is normal to most neurotypicals.

Realationships can be pretty exhausting too when there's so many demands you can't keep up with including looks and socializing.

I think I should've been a man or something...be less complicating.

Same here!

I agree that the male of the species seem to have a less complicated existence. NT males can relate better to ASD males than NT females can relate to ASD females. I used to want to be a boy when i was in grade school . They are meaner than girls physically but less mean psychologically. ( as a whole I mean)

If i had it all to do over again i think i would have used my looks to find a job when i was young and not felt at all bad about it. So long as you can keep your boundaries in place ( which i wasn't good at) and keep it on a non personal level ... Now i am not able to work at all and much of it is the social thing. I would pick a profession I can use my gifts in and use my looks to secure it and keep it. men are all over the place but a position where i can gain skills and experience is hard to find.

Nora

It's a double edged sword. Yes you may be given favors or more attention for being attractive, but it's a soul killing feeling to think a man loves you for you face and body, and not for your mind. Another negative is unwanted advances that you won't be able to navigate (though I think almost all women get that to some degree).

Yes, that is how I feel, too. I have lost count of how many times men chatted me up just because they wanted intimacy, but didn't give a darn about who I was, inside, or what I thought. Soul killing is a good way to describe it!

I would rethink the word intimacy here <smile> theres nothing intimate about what they want.They just want a few moments of entertainment. they find it amusing. the problem is they use any means to reach their amusement. any sort of flattery or promise will be made to achieve their ends and they feel no sense of conscious about it. really don't get how they can be so shallow.

How can one call anyone a slut but the male predator? He acts without thought fro the emotional wreckage he leaves behind. What two consenting adults do is their own business unless there is one forces the act on the other and to my mind forcing it by saying i love you and I want to be with you forever when it is not true is an act of emotional rape.

You tell me if this language is too strong. Are men as a whole so run by their urges they can not help lying to get what they want? Obviously most men aren't. but it is behavior that is, I believe, encouraged by some elements of society. Who tells 12 year old girls that boys and men will lie to get what they want and they can be very persuasive.

I think it makes the girl or woman feel horrible when sh realizes she has been lied to which seems backwards to me. wghy should she feel so bad?

Nora