For all you 'just friends' men out there...

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...you can now count me in your circle. And I'm a woman.

Yes, it does happen to women, too. It's happened to me every single time. Do I question myself? Of course. But for me, it's no real mystery what causes this to happen; if you don't have the look, the moves, and the ability to give a person everything they want, you're ousted.

In this case, it's seems to have been a constellation of problems. I can't help but feel bad about myself in some ways, especially now that I'm out in the cold, but in other ways, I realize this was a joint issue. The worst part is, after two years of being sexual together, he's more or less decided he's gay and always has been. Oof, if that doesn't hurt, what the f**k does?

I met this guy initially, I swear to you all, through dreams. I have each dream documented and even drew pictures him. Upon finding out it was him, it matched up. He has had a lot of family problems that have played a big role in this downfall. I still love him with intensity I have never felt for anyone else, and I always will. I basically felt, and still feel, he and I were 'soul mates,' in a manner of speaking. It feels like what stops us is problems that could be overcome, but that doesn't mean he wants to overcome them.

There is so little true love, sense of family, or deep, bonding caring in this species that this is a huge blow to me. I've always been quality over quantity, and I work all sorts of things out with my family and keep them close for life. It doesn't seem other people feel that way, and that is devastating.

Do I feel bitter toward him? Oddly, not quite. I do feel he's potentially making a big mistake, and has made many in the past, too, but I can't feel that resentment so many scorned people seem to for their exes. I almost wish I could feel it, but I love too intensely. Everyone seems to be telling me he's done some very bad things to me that make him a pretty foul person, but I don't know how to take that. I feel like I love everyone on some level, how am I supposed to feel anything but for someone who's felt like my other half?

It will likely end up that I'll never find another person, another match, and that seems to be a trend in my family -- once we lose who we feel is our other half, if we ever get them in the first place, we never do it again. So, here I go again on my own, going down the only road I've ever known.

But, I digress. This may lend some insight into how it goes with these sorts of things, and how many people suffer. You men are hardly alone, and everyone suffers in their own way from a combination of their own problems and the loveless, animal individualism that pervades our species, as it does so many others. It's a shame many of us have the brains to know what's going on; the pain from this knowledge has sent me into several existential crises over the course of my life.

Here's to hoping there can be self improvement and that we may all find someone with whom we can really share a true, deep bond and acceptance, and start a family. And for those forever loners, I'm right there with you. The man who brought me to this forum initially is now gone, but I don't know what of my time here now. We'll see.

It's VERY hard to find a partner who is 100% compatible with you. That's why each partner has to be flexible and do his best, like a good team player. So your relationship problem is not your problem. It's the problem of the couple as a whole. A couple problem. A bf-gf problem, NOT a gf problem.

I'm very incapable of normal things required for relationship. I want one, I just wonder if there is anyone who I am compatible with.

true love - I can't do
sense of family - I'd be good at it
deep, bonding & caring - I could probably manage it
the look - my body maybe, but not my face
the moves - I'm clumsy
ability to give a person everything they want - NO, I can't do that. Sorry. Find someone else, you expect too much.

I've been wondering if I should act differently, work out, dress better, and while all these might help, I keep obsessing about what "all women" want. In reality, I just have to find the one lady who likes me as I am and for whom I do not have to act differently.

Yeah I had a chick go back to girls after being with me. That was a bit hard, but i can see the appeal.

If the dudes into dudes there is SFA you can do about it and for a 2 year thing with gay man thats really good. You must be something pretty special

Sometimes, it's just better to find some closure and let him go. You could find a female member on WP who would talk this out with you via PMs, maybe a female who has had a similar experience with a guy or something so you two could commiserate.

I am low functioning when it comes to being a social person. It's harder for a guy to be proactive. Why? Because every time I talk to a girl I risk offending her with unwanted, misdirected attention, saying/acting socially inappropriate in a public place, freaking the other person out, overstepping my barriers, etc. I mean it's worth trying, but because I have to be careful, that limits how much I can be proactive.

Once you make a social mistake (say something rude or weird), you are black listed.

I like idea of love in the Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Emma sense, but we have unrealistic expectations of love which won't happen for us.

Look, I assume that my dad desperately tried to date his whole life and only found women who did not like him or abused him.

My aunts and uncles, never had the privilege to date. They met one or two people who they tried to marry. Went out for a few months and married. Had kids and that's it.

I also push people away with my thoughts. I over think social situations. And I don't really know how to be attractive to the other sex.

So what ya gonna do. Plenty of guys out there.. plenty of guys on here. I double dare ya to go make a rebound post in the singles section. I always found best cure for a broken heart is another woman.

Oh oh .. get with a woman. It's pretty good

To find true love, you have to truly know yourself, and know exactly what you are looking for in a partner. You have to be your true self (not hide behind a mask, or pretend to be someone your not), be happy with yourself and be the best person you can be. You also have to heal past issues and get rid of all of the baggage.


Sounds like he still has some work to do...

You think? I guess you could be right.


Meh - so many lonely hearts here that act like positively charged Ions, kinda like being on a lake and complaining you're thirsty

Not haveing a go at the OP just a general rants, my ASD puts a tilt on the very meaning/purpose of a relationship i really find it difficult to understand others loss (not saying there isn't one)


Still recon she should get with a girl.

The reason I can't attract anyone with the same interests is because I am a conservative Christian. (There aren't any conservative Christians who share my interests)

"I like you, want to go out some time?"

My brain could never produce this line on it's own. Go figure.

How soon can I say that to a woman after meeting her? Don't I have to talk a little small talk first with her and make sure she likes my company? Otherwise she will freak out. In the past four years, I've talked to four women max and I don't think they liked me enough to be open to having me ask them out.

But, just as an experiment, I will go to some event this week, find a girl to talk to and if she is receptive to talking to me more I will say "I like you, want to go out some time?" just to see how she reacts. The thing about being an aspie, is that women just don't like talking or looking at me. You can't ask out a woman who does not want to talk to you.

Your comment is like cognitive behavior therapy for me. It makes me break out of my regular thinking patterns.

So I know kind of realize I should talk to more women and ask out the ones who I suspect might like me at least a little.