My frustrating family

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I'm male and 42. When I was 5 months old I nearly died from neumonia. I got tired very easily trying to keep up with my moms walking when shopping and she would carry me around up to my age of about 5. I often talk slow. I was physically slow in gym class. I have had depression all of my life. And a lot of it has been deep depression. I'm the youngest of 6 boys. My family had a large dairy farm. Both my parents are workaholics with anger problems and explosive tempers. My dad is bi-polar. When my oldest brother was 5 my dad showed him how to plow a field,, told him to pull into the farm yard when he was done and hit the button to shut it off. I think my dad jumped off the tractor as it was moving cause my 5 year old brother could not reach or press in the clutch pedal. My brother plowed the field as my dad told him to but when he recalls the story he said he was absolutely frightened. My mom once beat another brother so bad he thought that she was going to kill him. I was about 7 or 8 when I was first sent out onto a public road with a tractor and a wagon. I nearly ran a lady and her kids off the road as she was trying to pass me. How did I know, I was only 7 or 8. But I got yelled at by a brother anyway. I physically was a bit weaker than other kids my age but was expected to be a workhorse like the rest of my brothers. Often I was tired. I hated the endless work we were expected to do and sometimes faked being tired. I think I learned that one from my mom. I did poorly in school and was labelled as slow. I was diagnosed with stomach ulcers in 2nd or 3rd grade. The X-ray of my stomach had so many scars on it that the doctor thought I had ulcers before I was born. My dad fell in love with a female foriegn exchance student that stayed on our farm. My parents divorced in 81 and sold the farm (I was 14). My dad moved with his new wife back to her country of origin. He was 47 and his wife was 22. I moved with my "then angryer" mom into the city and became even more depressed. I had been tested the year before and scored 140 IQ on 2 different tests. My mom expected me to be a "straight A" student. I HATED school like nothing else in the world. I graduated 2nd to last in my class the summer after my 12th grade and wasn't let to go through graduation ceremony. I have worked over 25 jobs and had a lawn service that didn't make much money. The one job I have been able to handle is pizza delivery. I have about 13 years doing it. I have trouble getting up in the morning and haven't done well at any daytime job. I was on my own from 90 to 95 and then moved back with my angry mom and still live with her. My family is extremely critical of me. I can't do anything right in their eyes. I have one brother thats about the most negative person you will ever meet. When I first started delivering pizza in 91 he announced to me at the Thanksgiving dinner table that the family was not proud of me working in such a lowly job as pizza delivery. Nobody else reacted. This one brother takes verbal jabs at me often at family get togethers and if I try to defend myself someone else tells "me" to shutup. Actions speak louder than words. Many times family members seem bothered when I just speak at family gatherings. I get ignored or talked over as if I'm not there. I skipped out on some family gatherings in the past. Some of the jabs I get are very nasty. I have been telling my mom about how much this bothers me and guess she has said things to my brothers but I'm not sure. Many of my family members are extremely opinionated and pushy. Pushy to the point as if I'm not able to think for myself. They just verbally run over me like nothing. I could write a lot of stories about that. In the 90s I was having lots of trouble with my back, ear wax buildup, then my eyes and other stuff. I went to a person that worked with natural medicine and was tested. I tested positive to being sensitive to about 45 food ingredients. I changed my diet and my back, ears and eyes got better and I didn't have to wear glasses anymore. Most family members don't believe this and think I'm making up the food sensativity thing. From february of 2001 to january of 2002 was unbelievable. I was sexually harrassed at a grocery store 2x and had to threaten the store with a lawsuit. Separate from this I called the cops 2x on this extremely weird acting person coming into the place I was working at. He turned out to be an ex cop and he threatened me and I started getting harrassed by local cops up through 2006 when I told my story to the county attorney. The 3rd item was what sounded like a death threat from a druggie I worked with. All 3 of these cases were completely separate from each other. I did absolutely nothing to any of the people who harrassed me or threatened me. All 3 incidents happened in 12 months. Stress from this all, some debt and not having filed taxes since 1993 brought on hypoglycemia,, a condition that is brought on by stress thats off the charts. Even a brother that I have been close to in the past was telling my other brothers that I "create" all my problems. My depression has been so bad in the past that I have been suicidal. Finally I found a link to problems with wheat and my depression. I actually made it through last Thanksgiving and Christmas without hearing a single jab taken at me. I have wanted to get up and leave when this happens. I'm sure if I got up to leave I would get yelled at to sit down. Not sure if they would physically try to keep me from leaving. Watching my family do all of this stuff to me and being barely supportive with what all happened to me is like watching someone make a really stupid obvious mistake and creating a car crash. I could write more but its getting late.

Have faith in yourself Wingmower; it sounds as if nobody else does. Always remember that you were born the way you are and you don't need to apoligize to anyone. I can't speak for anyone but myself but I too suffer from low self-esteem. Its not easy being an Aspie. You can't control how others think but you have absolute control over how you think. One step that helped me was to find other Aspie support groups. (there are alot of good ones in Minnesota). Also you have found a good place to post; this site is for people like us. Welcome to Wrong Planet and take comfort that many of us have/are walking the same road as yourself.

Thanks for your reply. I made it through another family gathering last sunday without any jabs.

I'm sorry about your family. I know how hard it is to have people in your family be extremely negative. I try to minimize my family interactions as much as possible. Besides the fact that I get very anxious, I feel like family get togethers are a time or my family to judge one another and so I usually try to separate myself from the main event and just talk with one or two people in the family the I get along with. It sounds like you are doing your very best to deal with the situation. Maybe a counselor could help you, then you would at least have one person on your side. I've been thinking about seeing one, it seems like it might help.

I'm back in therapy for my 3rd year with current therapist.

Wingmower, for gawds sake learn to use paragraphs.

So your life sucks? So does ours. So learn to stand up for yourself.

These people in my family walk all over me like I'm just an ant on the floor. Most all of them are: very very very opinionated
very very very pushy.
I'm waiting for the next jab to be taken at me and thats when I get up and leave to go home. Then I will be writing a letter to my entire family saying either I am respected and treated as equal or I will not go to any more "Thanksgiving, Christmas etc family get togethers". One of my friends has a brother thats such a jerk that has absolutely nothing to do with him and has not seen him in many years. My co-workers husband gets treated so poorly by his siblings that he does not go to any family get-togethers at all and has not for several years.

Oh, I just sorta started another similar thread, before I saw this one, because my husband's family treats him like a little "ret*d" (pardon the term, but I meant it to be negative because of the condescending way they treat him).

Screw 'em. They don't define you.

I saw in your thread the mentioning of the youngest child. I'm the youngest of 6 boys (no girls). That might have more to do with all this.

I was the oldest in my family but definitely the one people attacked at family get-togethers. For years I thought it was that I just had a different personality than the others, that I was quieter, and had different political views. Now that I have an AS son and realize that I an AS too, it is clear that my dad picked on me then because I was different and he didn't like me. The others usually joined in, except for my mom. I think people sometimes pick on the easy targets--the one most vulnerable, and in this case, its the aspie. My self-esteem has always been pretty low and I have stayed away from many family gatherings over the years. But it still HURTS because these are the people in my family. Somehow family members can really mess with a person's soul. I'm in my 50's now and still not over it.