Feelings of Severe Regret (Perhaps Depression)

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I am uncertain as to whether I should write of my cyclic sorrows here. I am, at the moment, not in an overly depressed mood. But, thinking of my cause of discontent, I can initiate some of the typical negative feelings, associated with self-doubting, self-hating, or negative thoughts. These self-doubts pretain to a perception of deficiency in cognitive flexibility, fluid intellect, or creativity. Plus anguish over my verifiably slow processing speed.

At times I cannot help but regret my past and wish to change it. It seems that the only way to direct my life in the way I wish to would involve going back, into the past, and altering various circumstances. I curse the conditions of my past and envision, when I have greater mental energy than I do at the moment, any present difficulties as intimately connected to an unbalanced, negligent, and confined past.

I wish to “reverse the clock”, so to speak. I feel disgusted with the way I have developed and feel that only courses of action directed backward in time would alleviate my perceived insurmountable deficiencies.

Looking back to my working poor childhood, a fret over three matters in particular:

•The perception that I was “malnourished”. That is to say, I was feed McDonalds multiple times a week (though this number is variable). I cannot help but contemplate that this disoriented and distorted my cognition; perhaps compounding any processing speed deficit I naturally had, and reduces attentiveness.
•A paucity of memorable childhood experiences. I recall watching television for hours on end as a child. Each day! I cannot help but think of which areas of my brain must have failed to develop as I engaged, profusely, in this passive activity.
•Education (A real bone of discontent, if I ever gain the strength to describe what, in particular, I disliked about this. It is really ego-shattering.).

I cannot help but look at the past and see a set of variables I want to tweak, yet are inalterable. I want to “relive” my life. I feel profoundly unsatisfied with it, I feel there are so many deficiencies I possess which could have been so easily alleviated by differences in my environment during my formative years. I feel that such alterations to the past are the only courses of action which could change matters for the better.

I have realized the precocious this feeling is. Generally, it is people at the end of their lives which wish to relive them. I am feeling such discontent far too early.

It hurts to see your post.....I can offer little in the way of answers. My story is similar, I seem to get the idea that you think your parents and teachers should have been more involved in helping you or at least noticing your difference; if so i would say that parents may go into denial about the needs of a functional but isolated child, as far as teachers etc. I feel they don't want to deal with Aspie kids because the kids aren't that social or fun to deal with.

If I were to shed my skin, the layers left, but not the lessons learned, it would not undo what I have done, or grant forgiveness in some better days to come. - VNV Nation, Genesis

We all have our regrets, and wish we could do many things over again. I deal with these feelings constantly as well. But ultimately, there's no going back. No way to go but forwards.

its obvious. you need to learn that regret is in the eye of the sufferer dude. you can shake of regret like a old t shirt if you put your mond to it. i did it so often i now am immune to regret