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UncleWoodstock
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07 May 2009, 9:18 am

Now I'm sure there are many people that have AS and have successfully found love, i'm not saying its not possible. However, whether its just me or not, I have real trouble in finding a relationship.

I'm a guy who has next to no self convidence and will instintly freak out when a girl walks past showing any cleavage or flesh. I like girls, i just get really embarrased and will often literally look away or cover my eyes. I'm a person thats more into the companionship rather then the whole dating and having one nigh stands thing, unfortunatley its not a great mind set to have when looking for a life partner.

So to ask the question, do you feel that AS can get in the way of finding love?



MattShizzle
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07 May 2009, 9:50 am

I'm 35 and have never been so much as on a date.



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07 May 2009, 9:59 am

yes i think it can hinder you.
i'm 20 years old. i have undx'd AS & haven't had any relationships with girls/ladies for about 3 years.. i don't know any females my own age or otherwise, so i guess i'll be single for a long time yet. :(



raggle-taggle-gypsy
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07 May 2009, 10:43 am

Yes, it can work.

I conquered most of my social interaction fears, and that did me a great help. It's not eas, but it can be done. After that, it's a lot easier to meet someone.

I don't think AS is anything to stop you finding love. It may make things different, but someone who really loves you will love you nonetheless


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Xanovaria
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07 May 2009, 12:48 pm

Love is not the problem, it's the related outward emotions that make it difficult.



bunnyowen
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07 May 2009, 1:00 pm

i didnt want to find love, but my now-partner is so important to me! He has helped me with alot fo stuff with my AS, and has made sure I am ok if i were to have an anxiety attack; often putting my needs ahead of his own.

As said above, it is more the companionship side of things that we share, and we share greatly and deeply! He doesnt expect me to show any emotion, instead we choose to communicate properly and honestly without any of the fiddly non-verbal or implied stuff; everything is exact and as detailed as can be!

Love is a good place to be, especially if the love you have in return is truthful, honest and sincere



Keith
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07 May 2009, 1:51 pm

Anyone can find love, you just need time to find that person. If you have problems getting a date, try online dating with a known site. Research what they are like and make a decision if you want to part money with them for their service. The right picture helps as well. Usually unoccupied is better and just that person in the frame. better to have a couple, but avoid other people in them as there could be interest in your friends through you ...



Social_Fantom
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07 May 2009, 2:01 pm

Does love and AS mix?

You're kidding right? :lmao:

Well, maybe what I'm thinking of is more like "Does finding love and AS mix?" Now that's a joke. :lol:


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Orbyss
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07 May 2009, 4:31 pm

Jesus. It seems like I can't even feel deep attraction for anyone unless I dream of them first. It shows me on the deepest level whether we click or not. And, well, it seems that's not happening anymore for me, so my vision at the age of 12 of being a hermit woman searching for her lost 'soul mate' seems to be in the cards for me. Not surprising--the dreams and visions have yet to prove inaccurate, much to my extreme despair and dismay.

I'm not sue if this is related to AS, though, as I've never been diagnosed with anything but ADHD, but I've got enough traits of it here and there that it seems like it could be a positive correlation.



Kalashnikov
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09 May 2009, 12:30 am

I've had the odd crush here or there but I was always too nervous to approach anyone to ask them out. I'm in my early 20's and I've never even been on one date.



Lonermutant
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09 May 2009, 2:50 am

We are just too immature growing up, and having almost no education is a factor as well.



Space
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09 May 2009, 4:25 pm

I think when you're in your younger years, it's very tough. When you have a more mature partner, it might be easier, as they would be more understanding of your quirks. The bottom line is that as people don't intuitively meet other people's emotional needs. This is what prevents relationships from forming, or enduring. I want sex and companionship and offer what I have to give, but I don't understand how to give the emotional reciprocation that's expected of me.



gina-ghettoprincess
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09 May 2009, 4:32 pm

I'm nearly 14 and I've never had a boyfriend. (Don't say that's normal, it really isn't judging by what other people, even other aspies, are doing.)

But my two best friends are AS too, and they just started dating a week ago, and they have both had relationships with NTs before (both of which ended badly).

So I'm starting to think AS is not the reason, I'm just my own brand of freakishness and nobody will ever like me. It's depressing.


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techstepgenr8tion
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09 May 2009, 4:33 pm

Its been funky - I've been playing the online dating game, I can find women who I can have a great intellectual/personality match with, we can have a great date...or two...or three... but its so hard to find anyone that I feel any physical chemistry with. Its not even that one is antithetical to the other, the two just never seem to be at the same place at the same time with the same person :/.



Orbyss
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09 May 2009, 4:50 pm

Physical chemistry? I'm not even sure what's meant by that.

I'm of the belief that you have to love the person, not their body. The body can bring about feelings of limerence and lust, but that's not central when I'm attracted to someone. I can be just as easily wooed by personality. The body can be amazing, yet completely turn me off due to their personality.



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09 May 2009, 5:34 pm

I think AS can cause a bit of problems with love, but I think it's more to do with personality.

Most shy people (be it Aspie or NT) will probably find it harder to get dates than those who don't get nervous in situations like that.


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