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aurea
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12 May 2009, 3:41 pm

My 10 year old son J (AS) has been annoying some people no end lately. His understanding of personal space and not talking over people, listening to what others have to say, in therory is good. However in practise none existant. Eg; J gets excited about something wants to tell someone, even if that someone is talking to someone else he will push past them then talk right over the top of them, ignoring (or seaming to ignore) the other person asking him to wait. He stands far to close to people, he will hug any one he feels like hugging, even strangers.
On the flip side; if he has no interest in what someone else is saying he will walk away or appears oblivious to them. He doesnt like others getting to close to him- but he can do this to them :wink: , he hugs when he wants to, but refuses to hug anyone unless he wants to.
If he gets pulled up on his behaviour (for appearing rude and or impatient) he is devastated. He hates the thought that he may have upset anyone. He can tell you the rules about not talking over people and waiting, but he just can apply them to himself. How do I teach him? I have explained in every way I can. He kind of reminds me of a puppy whan he is excited- all rules go out the window. If I cant explain to him, how do I explain to others so they will stop getting annoyed?



Lainie
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12 May 2009, 3:55 pm

Do you have any private speech centers that teach social skills? I was just looking at a site in the next town next to us and thinking of this same thing. I noticed part of there social skill group was teaching personal space.

I wish I could help you tho as I am in the same boat lol.



DW_a_mom
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12 May 2009, 4:15 pm

I think it ends up being trial and error and life experience. Explain to those around him that he doesn't mean to do it, and perhaps come up with gentle and yet effective ways to remind him. Perhaps when he can be taught to look for a hand signal that will mean "whoah, wait your turn, it is not your turn right now."

It is such a very AS trait. My son still does it on occassion, but it's gotten rare. Eventually he just sort of grew into the ability to follow the concepts that he been taught to hold in his head.


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NickyLynn
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17 May 2009, 10:13 pm

Did you ever see the close talker on Seinfeld? That was my son. He would go within inches of someone's face. And when we would be walking together he would follow on my heels so close I would about trip. I taught him for talking to people that he should be about an arm's length away. I told him if my arm was bent when I reached out he was in my zone. My son is 12 and learned a couple years ago that he is too old to hug friends. For awhile this was a problem. I try not to cramp his style, but if something is a glaring social faux pas I try to teach him that thing as quickly as possible. He overall does pretty well as a listener, but occasionally will put his headphones on in inappropriate places - like out at dinner or out with a friend.



2ukenkerl
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18 May 2009, 6:55 am

aurea,

GOOD LUCK! YOU'LL NEED IT! I have been trying to teach people this for over 40 YEARS!



wigglyspider
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19 May 2009, 12:51 am

Maybe he needs an imaginary friend or something. I have one and I talk silently to him, so I no longer get a strong urge to tell people random stuff. It helps me work stuff out, too.
Also, you said he doesn't like the idea that he's upset someone? Does he realize he's done it right away and feel embarrassed? That's what motivated me to just listen and not talk unless I had to, because I realized I always felt embarrassed after I'd said something. So maybe you could try to get him to think of it that way.

That's the best I can come up with, anyway, for whatever it's worth. :B


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