Anyone prefer or have FWB "relationships"?

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The FWB, for those who don't know, stands for "friends with benefits". You and the other person are friends but are involved in the sexual aspects of a relationship, and may or may not date on a casual level.

I used to be an idealist not long ago when it came to love and relationships. I believed that I would find love, the perfect guy, be in a caring relationship, etc and mainly defined my happiness in terms of whether or not had a boyfriend. After many years of unsuccessful attempts to find a relationship, I began to realize that I was being too idealistic and decided to reexamine my priorities.

During the time when I had my first (and only) serious relationship, I discovered that I couldn't handle having to closely share my life with someone else. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy his company, which I did immensely. But there were times when I'd be tired of socializing with him (I have always required lots of social downtime) and had to fake maintaining my interest towards him. I found maintaining this relationship exciting and fun, but also exhausting and time consuming.

I'm not the kind of person who would ever get married or have children. I just don't ever view those things as priorities for 10 or even twenty years from now. I want to continue doing my presentations on autism and perhaps travel the world: having a husband and kids would only hinder my time, energy, flexibility and finances.

But I love friendship...especially deep, meaningful friendship. And I also love sex. My hormones, I believe, are much higher than the typical female my age, accounting for the mood swings I have, my acne prone skin, and yes, my *ahem* nymphomania.

I have had a number of FWBs over the past 2 years, most of whom I'm still very good friends with.
I place the emphasis, of course, on the friendship. I would never have sexual relations with anyone who I didn't know well (I never do one night or even two night stands) or someone who didn't think I was a fun, interesting person. In short, we have to be good friends in order for something to happen, because if in the rare event that something went wrong (i.e. pregnancy) I would have faith that the person would support me.

And of course, I have to be very attracted to the person: not just in terms of looks but also personality. I am very, very picky in this area.

Right now, I have two people that I would consider my main FWBs, plus 3-4 others that I keep in close touch with and see every once in a while.

I'm dating an amazing guy now...but we have very similar views on dating and have decided to leave it as a casual relationship. It's not a serious thing, we aren't "together" so to speak, but there is some level of committment. We can see other people if we want, but we mainly see each other. Usually we do something on the weekend and we hang out at each other's houses or at school (we attend the same university) during the week. Some of my friends think we're together...but in reality, I'm far from ready for a committment of that size.

I have a female FWB as well (I'm bisexual but prefer men). This was the above guy's ex-girlfriend (they dated a LONG time ago but are still good friends) who turned lesbian. We met through the above guy, got along fabulously and after a while, decided to experiment. Lesbian sex is interesting because we have all of the same parts, but it's not as exhiliarating as sex with a guy.

I'm just wondering if anyone here can relate to this. Anyone else here have FWBs or support this practice? Would it make sense for an Aspie to enter a FWB relationship rather than pursuing full on committment, either before a relationship or permanenly?

Hmmm.....wish there were more like you around, especially in Pennsylvania. Seriously though, I have the same outlook as far as no marriage, or kids, but it's tough for a guy to do the same in a small town. Maybe that's my problem? Maybe I should move to a location with a bigger population? Definitely something to think about, as "friends looking for benefits" are few and far between, in these parts. Have considered screwing my buddie's gf, but my conscience won't let me.


Two thumb up.

I presume you've considered the possibility of undesirable diseases and dependents.

Beyond that, philosophically, I can't argue with it.
I'm working on it. I want to say it's bad because _____.
Maybe I'll get back to you if I think of something else.

^Everything has negatives. For some people, this is the better option to the other alternatives.

Those are my preference.

No, my preference is a proper relationship, although I have had FWB relationship in the past. But that was when I was at university and didn't really have time for a proper relationship.

Similar, sort of. Although the FWB's are more along the lines of kissing, not actual sex. And they sort of didn't happen as a regular thing, just a few times.

I understand what you mean about relationships, I found in my first and only relationship that I was doing the same thing - faking social interest when I was exhausted (I found the constant socializing too much), and it was challenging and great fun while it lasted, but I'm not sure I could keep up that sort of thing indefinitely.

Although, I haven't given up hope of having a long term partner - I might happen to find someone I have a connection with who is willing to compromise along those lines.

FWB get complicated/ or end up not being enough/ or make social interaction with other friends uncomfortable. Or in my experience, all three.

I think I'm more of a person who would want a proper relationship instead of a FWB type of thing, it would just be too awkward for me

My understanding of relationships mostly comes from Seinfeld, so I'm going to say that Friends with benefits doesn't work in the long term.

But I've never been in a serious relationship, so I don't know what that entails either. I'm basically just looking for a great friend I get to have sex with, who I'm committed to being a friend with...

I'm also personally invested in having sex with one and only one person the rest of my life. I'll see what happens when opportunity presents itself... but if I'm having sex with her, I plan to be with her my whole life. Everyone else is pinning to have sex whenever nowadays, I'm approaching it from a different way...

*Edit*
Also I think it would be awkward to know what the social boundaries are. In a friends with benefit situation, when is it appropriate to touch a breast? (I mean this as a joke , but I'm also serious...) If your friends, but one is feeling frisky in a social situation... do you get close to each other subtly, Or just ignore it? Are certain times, touchy, touchy and other times friendly friendly?

What if one is trying to be sexy, but other is trying to a comforting friend...

It's just so complicated... I'll stick to a relationship with people of simple emotional needs... that's the best one for me...

I've been in several FWB relationships, & it's pretty much all I've done the past few years. I prefer to be alone most of the time, & I can't handle the commitment & imtimacy of a standard relationship.

It's not always easy to make it work though. A lot of girls will ask for something more serious after a while & it always pains me to turn them down. Take it emotions get confusing after a while.

The best determining factor of whether this kind of relationship will work, is "do you both live active lives independent from each other?". If not, someone gets bored & tries to intertwine themselves in their friend's life too much.

Every person must find what works for them. On the spectrum, we have a more difficult time making relationships work, so we have to be creative in relationships.

For example, my AS BF of two years and I do not live together. We have talked about marriage, but if so, we would still not live together. We are best friends and deeply commited. We rarely have meals together.

I saw a segment on TV about another autistic couple who is similar, due to needs for "alone time."

I think you should just decide if this is for you, and if so, pursue "friends with benefits."

It certainly would be a lot easier, no strings attached. However, not many I know would be open to the idea, nor would I ever ask that to anyone.

Technically, my "other" partner is my FWB...

Really they both sorta are...I just happen to live with one..

I can definitely see your side of it and the benefits to it and I've had successful FWB relationships in the past. I think it's something that can change and elvolve depending on what's going on in our lives at the time. Ahh...us Toronto girls are so liberal.

The funny thing is that my definition of "friend" is a lot more strict and intense than the definition used by the rest of the world... because of that, "friends with benefits" (using my definition of friend) would be synonymous with an actual relationship...