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skonamis
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27 May 2009, 8:42 am

Today over a long time i decided to cut myself a bit. I went to kitchen and made myself a cup of tea and then i took a knife and some soft paper and went to livingroom.
I switched Tv channels and MTV was haveing some good music. There was Muse and some other old great bands. I was feeling miserable and i decided to start cutting. But before i started, i got a better idea. I went to my room and took a wire. I tied it over my hand and waited until my hand got blue and itchy. When my hand was blue then i knew that i might get more blood, because the hand was under pressure. I made a small cut. Then i reached to my tea cup and put it under my cut. Then i waited until my tea was full of blood drops.
I took a spoon and mixed the tea with my blood. I did see that the tea was now red. I thought it was cool. Then i went to kitchen again and took a glass. I poured my tea from the cup into the glass. The tea was brown before, but now it was red.
I cleaned up everything and went back to my room. I had my blood-tea with me. I looked at it. It was red. I decided to drink it. But before drinking it i had to know if there was anything i had to know about drinking blood. I googled and found out that drinking your own blood isn't dangerous. Well, i actually knew that before but i had to be sure. And then i swallowed it drink by drink. It felt kind of disgusting, but it was a tea after all and there was sugar in it.

I'd like to know if i am nuts or not. I hate myself for doing it :(



mgran
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27 May 2009, 8:47 am

Is this the first time you've self mutilated? I think you need to see someone for help, this can become quite a compulsion. I used to cut myself, shallowly, and suck the blood. It's not good for you... I don't mean physically, I mean emotionally. Are you suffering from depression?



skonamis
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27 May 2009, 9:08 am

I have been on a depression medication for over a year but i still feel down sometimes. And i started injuryng myself back a year ago. Right now i have to take Argofan 75 SR 75mg once a day. And my psychiatrist knows that i cut myself.
Right now i get a feeling like i am ill but i know i am not. And i am anxious too. I think this anxiety makes me sweat. Dmn i hate working days. I wish it was friday so i could leave this house. I feels like a jail and didn't go to school again.



Darrenj777
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28 May 2009, 6:13 am

i used to hit myself in the head and face alot... pretty hard too. occasionally cut myself...

If you feel like it you could try a punchbag or other very aggresive exercise... i know what can be really hard to start



one4one
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28 May 2009, 1:10 pm

skonamis wrote:
Right now i have to take Argofan 75 SR 75mg once a day.


Health Canada warning for Venlafaxine XR.

Do your research on the medication before you take them. Also, keep a medical journal of your progress and side effects when your on them. Your doctor will be able to help you out better.



xalepax
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28 May 2009, 1:20 pm

Hey skonamis, You should be careful and dont do things like this to yourself....Im sure it doesnt feel good in your soul...


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samtoo
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28 May 2009, 2:36 pm

Some sort of depression? Sometimes you can be depressed without even knowing it.


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LosFrida
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28 May 2009, 9:21 pm

Skonamis, you are absolutely not crazy. So many people (myself included) have struggled with self-injury.

I have to run right now but if yopu`d like please feel free to PM me- I have some information you may find helpful


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